Self Destructive
by aristocraft
Summary: She needed him in her life, as pathetic as that sounded. She woke up for him, she fought for him, both emotionally and physically, but she was fighting a losing battle. Onesided AluSeras.


Hey guys. It's another sooner than usual update from the ever lethargic Ser. I actually wrote this a couple weeks ago but I've been too lazy to upload it.

This is a one-sided AluSeras, because I was a bit down when I wrote it. I'm an avid shipper of the couple, but I thought that the emotions fit Seras to a tee. My next AluSeras fic won't be one-sided, I promise.

Enjoy.

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'_You can run, but I'll always find you Police Girl.'_

That statement ran through Seras Victoria's mind as she fled the Hellsing Manor. It was reckless, she knew, but she felt she just HAD to get away lest she go insane.

It had been a reasonable ten years since her rebirth, and she was stronger than ever, thanks to her ever sadistic Master. Even though, she had been released as a Nosferatu a few months back her habit of calling said vampire 'Master' was a tad hard to break.

As she glanced back and barely made out the building she had resided in for a decade, she stopped for a while, just standing there and looking over the dark horizon. It was about midnight, with no moon, and her pale complexion stood out against the darkness.

While it was entirely possible for her to have gone at a much faster speed than she had, she was hesitant to do so, a small part of her hoping that he would find her, like he had promised so long ago. Yet deep down, she knew he wouldn't even notice until she was far gone.

The vampire sighed tiredly, feeling the weight of the world on her more than capable shoulders. The real reason she had left was to finally be noticed, to be treated as something more than a troublesome companion, as Alucard had regarded her for the past ten years.

Oh how fast ten years went by for a vampire. She remembered the first time she had run into her sire and his master during one of their intimate moments. She had been hurt deeply, true, for she still had many of her human emotions. It had been a while since then, but ever since, she had grown more attuned to their private moments, though it was not in her nature to purposefully eavesdrop.

Seras sighed again, sitting on the ground as her mind took her to memories she didn't want to think about. It really was her own fault; she wasn't even supposed to know about these things. But her curiosity had gotten the best of her, something that would've been admonished, for it certainly was a humanlike liability.

She remembered the feelings of incompetence, that bitter feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of being ignored. She remembered striving for the best, in hopes of earning a small word of praise that would fuel her deprived heart for a while.

It was a cycle; surely he noticed that by now. Occasionally, he'd spare her more than the necessary glance and her spirits would lift a bit, until the next time she saw them together. It was self-destructive, but she couldn't find the willpower to end it.

She was yearning for something he wasn't willing to give. Not to her, anyways. She became more and more distant, losing the spark that was simply her, and she had no idea how to get it back, for surely it didn't seem like he was interested in helping.

Seras would watch her sire and his master from a distance, feeling her black heart crack a little more. Times like these she wondered whether the knowledge of his incapability to love her was worth being in his presence.

She needed him in her life, as pathetic as that sounded. She woke up for him, she fought for him, both emotionally and physically, but she was fighting a losing battle.

Alucard had made his choice long ago, and it wasn't her.

Forcing herself up, she glanced back at Hellsing Manor for one last time, turned around, and walked the other way.

Deep down though, she was hoping he'd still take the time to notice her absence, to find her, to bring her back, even if it meant starting that self-destructive cycle for the umpteenth time.

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You know the drill. Reviews are much appreciated. :)


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